Return to Practice with Evaluation Arguments
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Here are examples of good paragraphs from student papers that would be strengthened with reorganization.
- Many people are against Park51 because they are under the impression that it is only a mosque. Park51 is going to be a community center that includes a fitness centre, basketball court, swimming pool, theatre, bookstore, auditorium and many other attractions including a 9/11 memorial and a prayer space (Desilets). This is a VERY STRONG topic sentence - it addresses the opposition and then focuses on the counter argument. Good job - USE THIS AS A MODEL FOR THE REST OF THE PAPER.The whole purpose of Park51 is to promote integration and the tolerance of difference (Saleton).The Cordoba group has no incentive to insult the victims of 9/11, but for some reason they are being accused of being inappropriate and insulting. The meaning behind the building has been blown out of proportion by the media and politicans.There seems to be a gap between the thoughts in these sentences and your topic sentences - suggest filling in the gap OR using these sentences in a different paragraph entirely.
- INSERT EXAMPLE HERE
HERE is a good example of a well organized paragraph:
- The 1980’s housewives commercials consisted of housewives describing how wonderful Slim Fast is. Their husbands are in the picture as well; describing how they never believed their wives could look so good. These advertisements are also full of color. According to Peter Sells and Sierra Gonzalez in “The Language of Advertising,” they discuss the use of colors in advertisements. They say that brighter colors give the viewer a sense of happiness and cheerfulness. The use of the women and the men and the colors in these ads lead the viewer to believe that using Slim Fast will give them happier and fuller lives. According to Susan Kuchinskas in the article "How articles works our nerves," when we associate these feelings of happieness, there is a greater chance that we will remember them and their products.
- Notice how the thoughts flow smoothly and come together in the conclusion of the paragraph.
- Notice how smoothly support from different articles as well as observations about the ad are merged into a single coherent idea: the Slimfast ads of the 1980s generate a sense of happiness in the viewer through testimonials and use of color. This happiness is (unconsciously) transferred to the product itself.
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